Marriage after divorce is always different the second time around. You will be asking yourself if you really want to go through it all again? Are you ready to commit? Is it worth it? Will I even find the right man? I trusted the first time and look where it got me. The questions don’t end!
These are all good and important questions to ask yourself before you are ready to look for love and companionship again. You have to remember you are not the same person you were when you committed to “death do us part,” the first time. The same free-spirited girl who only saw rainbows and polka dots now has glasses that see more than what meets the eye. Before you commit yourself in a relationship, allow yourself to fully understand your feelings and emotions before taking the next step. During your previous marriage, you played many roles, the role of a wife, mother, confidante and daughter in law and many more. With those roles, you learned more about yourself and others. And it’s those same lessons that will guide you in making the decision as to what the new “you” will look for in a partner.
Looking to make the commitment of a marriage after divorce comes with a lot of questions, doubts and uncertainty but it could also result in so much happiness, love and a beautiful companionship Insha-Allah. When looking for your partner for the second time, be sure to remember it may not be the same type of person you would’ve been looking for the first time around. You are a different person now, your priorities have changed, your goals may be different, and that’s all okay. You have learned a lot through your experiences and have thus become wiser. Your newfound wisdom is not only about yourself but also about others and the complexity of simple relationships. All this awareness will no doubt open more doors for you in finding the right partner. You may think that it’s harder to find someone the second time around but you would be surprised that you just have to let the new you shine and know that you are now aware of things that definitely cannot be compromised as opposed to the things that can be. Those very same points that maybe in the past that would blurred your perfectly placed rainbows and polka dots.
Before testing the waters and looking for that compatible match, ask yourself these following points.
Emerging from a divorce has changed you, no doubt. You need this time to find the new you and feel comfortable in the new roles that you are fitting into, being single and maybe even a single parent. Before you take on being a partner again, be sure to feel comfortable in your new roles. Being emotionally and financially independent is important and will give you the confidence and means in being in control in finding the right partner. Don’t rush, only take two when you are truly ready.
Being alone after being a part of a couple is a new role and could also be quite a stressful and lonely one. In time you will become an expert at being single and will be ready to be a part of a couple again when the time is right. In the meantime, don’t feel the rush to take on vows again, because everyone is married or family is always asking when you are going to get married or you feel you just need to be one of two. Find yourself, take those extra courses you were looking to upgrade and be comfortable in being alone, with all that, you will have that much more to give. Don’t rush into anything, when it is meant to be, you will jump right back into the pool!
Just like you have gone through a transformation during your divorce, others also have experienced up and downs. If you have young children, this new family structure is something that is never easy to get used to but it does get manageable. Do take their views into account before looking for a partner. Take the time to have an open conversation with them and see how they feel in changing things up again to their family unit. You would be pleasantly surprised, some children are more eager than mom to see mom be a part of a couple again. Also ask yourself what type of future family are you looking for? Are you okay with being a “bonus mom” or having more children? Be sure you are true to yourself and take on only things that you are truly comfortable with. Always keep an open mind, you never know with Mr. Right, maybe what would have sounded like a deal breaker might just become a deal sealer.
Looking for a spouse in your early twenties and during or right after graduation is very different than looking for your spouse at this point in your life. The first time around, dating and introductions happened in universities, social functions, and of course your good old aunt always had the perfect match. Fast forward to you being a divorcee, now where to look? You may no longer be in an educational setting or constantly attending friends’ weddings every month. To make things a little more complicated, we are surviving through a pandemic, where social gatherings have come to a complete halt so there really is nowhere to meet Mr. Right. You want someone like minded that has matured through different situations. But where to look? A trusted and tried answer is always your good old matchmaking. Try it! You can put yourself out there, and it would be in a respectable and confidential manner and you be your own advocate in what you could compromise on and on the things you cannot. You are in control and never hurts to give it a try! Who knows, we might have your match here at Matchbox!
